Regretfully Hilarious

My cousin - barely 20 years old, only a few months older than me - recently got secretly married to his longtime girlfriend. Not five years longtime, though. Maybe just a year or two. Keep in mind, this is the scene couple. He draws anime figures. Badly. He is a scene Latino boy who cannot draw anime or write poetry.

My older cousin on the white side of the family got engaged a month ago, too. Since he’s 21, that’s not quite as horrifying. Apparently his girlfriend, though, is a few months younger than me. 

SHOULD I BE MARRIED ALREADY?

I think I’m the kind of person who just wants to be in one of those weird longterm relationships with one guy and then we have kids but we’re still not married because we’re just weirdos. Or if I do get married, I want to get married twice - once in a church with just me and him and a priest and then a regular one in a pretty location like a forest or something awesome. Stupid Catholics and their stupid rules about getting married in God’s house. God is everywhere so really he’s just being greedy and selfish. Maybe I’ll become an atheist. That’ll show him.

Except I also do want two weddings just so I can be able to say that I had two weddings. And not to two different people, I just mean like ugh whatever I’m going to shut up now.

Anyway, I need a boyfriend. This summer. Man, oh man, oh man. I have no idea what’s going to happen. It’s getting closer. I need to get skinnier. Eating a whole bag of chocolate covered potato chips last night probably didn’t help. Whoops. Sorry, mom, I don’t know how to “figure this whole thing out”. If you can figure out depression, you will be helping out a lot of people, myself included. Or maybe it’s not depression, and I’m just a stupid lazy weak-minded over-privileged white girl.

So many thoughts. 

I should be married by now.